pathless through the wild

In order to understand just how surreal and wonderful and made-me-realize-why-I-am-studying-abroad Friday night was you need to follow these steps exactly as written:

1. Forget to ask your friend to buy you tickets to the first Cuencan fútbol game of the season against some team in Peru.

1.5 Decide that you in fact didn’t want to go to the stupid game anyway because there are going to be too many people there and staying at home reading a book about the civil war would really be more fun.

2. Realize you are an idiot and buy four of the last seven tickets left with three of the coolest people you know.

3. Buy a $5 jersey. Don’t even try to bargain, it is $5.

4. Proceed to the wrong door and run like crazy gringas to the long long long line you are actually supposed to be waiting in.

5. Once inside the stadium run to try and meet up with your other more responsible friends who already have a ticket and seats.

5.57 Go the wrong way and end up on the opposing side…run back around the stadium shouting “CUENCA” as you sprint past the Peru fans

5.89 Realize that you in fact cannot join your friends because they paid $14 to sit under a nice covering and your $7 tickets don’t let you mingle with them.

6. Buy a $2 beer, give your friends a “what the hell” shrug, and join the insane mosh pit that is the Cuenca cheering section.

7. Proceed to watch very little of the game but learn essential Cuencan fight songs, clap until you hands hurt, get covered in colored fire-extinguisher dust, jump like crazy, drink a lot of beer, throw your fist in the air and pose for many Ecuadorians’ pictures.

8. Talk to a man with no front teeth.

9. Escape from said man and ponder with friends as to how he eats an apple.

10. Go to a hosteria bar for a mojito and bread.

10.25 See your salsa professor as you are leaving the bar.

11. This is the most important step so get out those notebooks and pencils: EAT THE BEST HAM-WRAPPED-HAMBURGER YOU WILL EVER HAVE. IN. YOUR. LIFE.

11.48 Slightly regret eating meat from an unknown street cart in Ecuador.

11.49. Order another hamburger anyway.

12. See a party bus. Get on the party bus.

13. After 30 minutes of driving around Cuenca dancing on top of a bus with music blaring and being captured in countless strangers’ photos, get off the party bus the same place you got on.

14. Go to a dance club, get free beer, dance to American/electro-Spanish fusion beats.

15. Take a cab home and revel in your night of Ecuadorian awesomeness.