pathless through the wild

In order to understand just how surreal and wonderful and made-me-realize-why-I-am-studying-abroad Friday night was you need to follow these steps exactly as written:

1. Forget to ask your friend to buy you tickets to the first Cuencan fútbol game of the season against some team in Peru.

1.5 Decide that you in fact didn’t want to go to the stupid game anyway because there are going to be too many people there and staying at home reading a book about the civil war would really be more fun.

2. Realize you are an idiot and buy four of the last seven tickets left with three of the coolest people you know.

3. Buy a $5 jersey. Don’t even try to bargain, it is $5.

4. Proceed to the wrong door and run like crazy gringas to the long long long line you are actually supposed to be waiting in.

5. Once inside the stadium run to try and meet up with your other more responsible friends who already have a ticket and seats.

5.57 Go the wrong way and end up on the opposing side…run back around the stadium shouting “CUENCA” as you sprint past the Peru fans

5.89 Realize that you in fact cannot join your friends because they paid $14 to sit under a nice covering and your $7 tickets don’t let you mingle with them.

6. Buy a $2 beer, give your friends a “what the hell” shrug, and join the insane mosh pit that is the Cuenca cheering section.

7. Proceed to watch very little of the game but learn essential Cuencan fight songs, clap until you hands hurt, get covered in colored fire-extinguisher dust, jump like crazy, drink a lot of beer, throw your fist in the air and pose for many Ecuadorians’ pictures.

8. Talk to a man with no front teeth.

9. Escape from said man and ponder with friends as to how he eats an apple.

10. Go to a hosteria bar for a mojito and bread.

10.25 See your salsa professor as you are leaving the bar.

11. This is the most important step so get out those notebooks and pencils: EAT THE BEST HAM-WRAPPED-HAMBURGER YOU WILL EVER HAVE. IN. YOUR. LIFE.

11.48 Slightly regret eating meat from an unknown street cart in Ecuador.

11.49. Order another hamburger anyway.

12. See a party bus. Get on the party bus.

13. After 30 minutes of driving around Cuenca dancing on top of a bus with music blaring and being captured in countless strangers’ photos, get off the party bus the same place you got on.

14. Go to a dance club, get free beer, dance to American/electro-Spanish fusion beats.

15. Take a cab home and revel in your night of Ecuadorian awesomeness.

My host brother-in-law asked me to translate a Miami Herold article about the current Ecuadorian president, Rafael Correa, for his boss…his boss is running against Correa in the presidential election next year…I just translated something for a future presidential candidate. Holy.

thedailywhat:

Kickass Cover of the Day: Calling themselves Bon Joviver, the guys from Miracles of Modern Science give Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name” a good Bon Iver-esque sendup.

[minusmanhattan.]

my disgust for bon jovi runs almost as deep as that for nickelback, but this…this allows me to monetarily forget that loathing

…and then it ends, leaving me remembering the image of icky-old-man-face jon bon jovi kissing katherine heigle in new years eve…and shuddering at the fact that i saw new years eve…in theaters

Fireworks punctuate the day celebrating a hidden holiday only by those close enough to know the meaning of lighting the fuse. Cheerful chirping disrupts the night making it so that if one were to close their eyes educated guesses of night or day would surely fail. I take my warm milk with two spoonfuls of instant coffee and three of sugar at every meal. Sugar milk. The bananas are better here, so is the juice. Toilet paper goes into the wastebasket next to the toilet least it clog the fragile plumbing. Silence is unknown in this household. I killed a spider yesterday. I am serenaded to sleep by the deep baritone of the neighbor dog; sometimes he does a duet with the shrieking car alarms. Everyone always wears shoes in the house. I discovered I have been using my clothes hamper as a wastebasket, but my host parents are too polite to correct my mistake. We have a cook/maid, she has a son. I am always served before my mother, the men and children are always served before my mother. We had a birthday party yesterday; they sang one round of “Feliz Cumpleaños,” one round of “Happy Birthday” and one round of something to the tune of “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow.” My room has white walls accented with bright yellow curtains. A Justin Beiber song is playing downstairs.

Juuuussttt kidddinng now we’re actually hitting up the center of the world

So here’s what happened: In the 1700s there was no doubt that the Earth was round but it was believed that it was not a perfect circle, budging around the center. So in 1735, the French Academy of Science sought to determine whether the circumference of the Earth was larger at the poles or the center. Two teams were dispatched, one near the Arctic Circle and the other to South America (they got the better end of the deal in my opinion). Starting in Peru and trekking north to Quito, the team completed measurements of latitude and the Earth’s curvature along the way. Finally after eight years and a hell of a lot of math later, the scientists declared they had found the center of the world. (The Arctic expedition found the poles to be flat thus proving the Earth is not a perfect circle.) In the 1970s, a large monument was proudly displayed, straddling both hemispheres.

One tiny itty bitty mistake though, the documented site is actually around 240 meters off. Using GPS the “real” Equator was discovered and is where the Museo Intinan now sits. On the Equator it is possible to balance an egg on the head of a nail, watch the varying direction of water swirling down the drain depending which hemisphere you’re standing on, and try to tightrope the Equator. We also learned about an indigenous tribe that used to live in the area and would cut off the heads of their enemies to be shrunken and worn as necklaces…what a bold fashion choice. 

Lookin fly on the Equator in Mitad del Mundo

shots on fire…literally

It doesn’t get more Ecuadorian than this folks, center of the world with an alpaca.

I have been reduced to the understanding of a child, yet even 4-year-old Marigracia understands more then I. Reduced to the level of an infant then perhaps, yet I’m sure 6-month-old Juan Martin would take offense to that statement should he find his voice during my stay. It is infuriating and humbling to be reduced to simple sentences and wild pantomimes.  Never will a quiet moment in English carry the same weight  two humans share over a meal with no language of understanding except that of silence. But Ecuador is anything but silent, its rain chatters on the rooftops, its motorcycles rip through the streets, its birds whistle overtop the ringing laughter of its women, but its cars are loudest of all demanding attention in short angry beeps. As I try to adjust to my newfound silence I relish all that can be communicated from a car horn. Everything from “Move” to “Hello” to “I’m parking behind you” to “I’m having a heated discussion in my car and need to make my point which has nothing to do with anyone on the street” is expressed by a honk. This language I understand, there are no verb conjugations, no irregular stem changes, only one noise communicated through a variety of pitches. I never stopped to consider the importance words hold in my world until I moved to a place where my pointing finger has become more important than my mouth and I understand a car horn better than a human.

“Correa is evil, but extremely clever which makes him extremely dangerous. Not like your George Bush”

Rafael Correa has the face of a fox, not in a physical pointed way but it carries the same sly misgivings the clever fox is known for. Elected in 2006, the president of Ecuador draws conflicting feelings from around the country. Many love the man who has reduced unemployment, increased educational opportunities by making all public schooling free, and his support of the Yasuni ITT initiative which strives to save the Yasuni rainforest that sits atop an oil reserve. Many hate the man who takes legal actions against unfavorable media reports, is allowing the remaining 0.7% of copper to be ruthlessly mined by Codelco, and his handling of the 2010 police strike which eventually left 8 dead and 274 wounded. Our program comes at a critical time in Ecuadorian politics as Correa is up for re-election in 2013. In 2009 the National Assembly mandated an election even though Correa’s term wasn’t up until 2011. Correa won the election becoming the first president of Ecuador to be re-elected in 30 years. Whether you love him or hate him that is a pretty impressive feat. To celebrate his five years in office Correa decided to come to Cuenca which he has deemed one of his favorite cities in Ecuador. The opportunity to see such a controversial man superseded any warnings of pickpockets and a strong dislike for the president distributed by my host mom.

Vendors outside the stadium hawked balloons, candy apples, meat, quail eggs and many other wares as seas of people flowed passed. Although, thousands of people were out to see Mr. Correa my friend, Katy, and I rarely had to push our way through a group of people as the color of our skin seemed to provide an effect similar to the parting of the Red Sea. In the little time I have spent in Cuenca I have become somewhat used to the constant staring considering I’m extremely pale and taller than half of Ecuador’s population, but this outing took the stares to an extreme. Katy and I came to the conclusion that it must be not just our looks but our mere presence at such a nationalistic event that was winning all the attention. I almost felt as if I was interrupting a privet affair. Despite the gazes and constant assertions of “gringo” (as if we had forgotten) to our faces, Katy and I jumped into the stream of excited Ecuadorians and made our way into the stadium.

Green and blue dominated the soccer stadium being used to present Correa. Flags, arms, t-shirts were in nonstop motion giving the impression that the stadium itself was a living, breathing entity. All the bleachers around the perimeter were occupied so Katy and I wandered onto the field. Just standing on a professional soccer field in a country that appreciates the game seemed like accomplishment enough. Horns, drums, and quick lilting lyrics flew out from the stage winding around the stadium. Armed guards watched over the demonstration from a nearby roof. Their machine guns providing comfort for one of two parties present and I had an uneasy feeling it wasn’t the group I was currently a part of. Katy and I found a place to stand along the side with a decent view of the stage and waited. And waited. Through countless slideshows of Correa kissing babies and marimba bands we waited. Finally as the sun was starting to set we decided to give up on our fantasy and start the trek home before darkness fell. To ease our disappointment we bought ourselves candy apples which actually did the trick of cheering us up despite their rock solid nature and questionable cleanliness. I was, however, able to enjoy a final part of the festivities as just as I was falling asleep, fireworks lit up my window. With a decent view of the stadium from my room I sat on my bed appreciating the display for a man who will never be my president.

Cathedrals in the sky and Holy Virgins on a hill - some of the beauty Quito had to offer. We spent our two days there jumping from cathedral to city square to art museum, all essential stops but the non-stop itinerary allowed little time to soak up the fact that we were finally in Ecuador, however, maybe that was intentional. The best memories come from time spent getting to know a new friend during late night chats and exploring the discotecas - apparently a group of gringos is in high demand at Ecuadorian clubs on Wednesday nights because we were able to convince them to let us drink for free. Quito was fun but Cuenca’s colonial architecture and slower pace make it a better place to settle in for a time.

tomorrow: hummingbirds, butterflies, jumping off waterfalls, tubing - essentially everything good in the world

also i promise i will suck less at this when my brain isn’t tired as fuck - look that’s how tired i am i couldn’t even think of a clever witty way to phrase that i just had to come right out and say it like a normal person